On my last day of class, maybe ever...

Dear University of Utah,

I know you've tried hard.
I would even give you an A for effort.

BUT...2 and a half years later I am:

still a conservative

still not a believer in socialized medicine

still not an Obama fan

still love BYU and am glad I went there

still an active Mormon

and...still don't like dogs

But, thanks for the education. I really appreciate it.

Love, Becca

Oh, and P.S. Here's a picture of me in my BYU sweatshirt. I had to wear something special for my last day of school.

Oh, and yes, that's me in front of Dr. Alder's office. If any of my school friends are reading this, and I do believe that there are a few school friend leeches out there (at least Julia and Erin for sure), whatever you do don't show this picture to Alder until after he gives me an A in Biostatistics. Thanks!

For Fans of The Office (and Lawrence Welk)

Okay, so maybe I'm going a bit crazy with finals, the end of grad school, pending life decisions, the thought of having to get another job, or whatever else can make a Spinster crazy, but I came across this clip from SNL the other night and I think it is HILARIOUS and can't get enough of it. I tested it out on a few friends at school today and decided that it was just too funny not to share. Maybe some of you have already seen it, and if you have, I want to know why you held out on me with this.

Oh, and may I just say that these are all super clean SNL clips. I promise.

So, here's my new absolute favorite from SNL. It probably won't be funny to you unless you watch The Office.





And just for fun I'm throwing in an old family favorite. It's an SNL spoof of the Lawrence Welk show. Sorry to have to make fun of one of your favorite shows grandma, but this is really funny.





And if you liked that last clip, here's a little encore. Enjoy!




I just love Kristen Wiig. She's my favorite SNL person, I think ever. Sometime check out her Penelope skits and her Surprise Party skit if you haven't already.

What are your favorite SNL skits? I don't want to be missing out again.

R I D I C U L O U S

Sometimes, even without the help of my brothers, I realize that I'm a bit ridiculous.

This weekend might have had some pretty good examples of my ridiculousness.

Let's start with some shoes I bought. I found them at Target and they were only 20 bucks. Fantastic. But they must run a little small. I normally wear a size 8 1/2 or 9 shoe and I had to buy size 9 1/2...and honestly they are still a bit tight. I'm wearing them right now and my toes are a little hurty. But, I refuse to buy size 10 shoes. I may have big feet but I'm not an Amazon!

Wearing shoes too small for you just because of the size on the label...ridiculous.

Saturday night I finished writing a research paper. And as soon as I pushed the print button I thought to myself, 'Hallelujah, that was the last research paper you will ever have to write in your life Becca!' And then my other self thought 'well, maybe.'

Even considering more school when you've spent the majority of your life in school...ridiculous.

Later that night I drove to the store because I realized that I was missing one of the ingredients for Becca's Super Duper Awesome Green Enchiladas that I wanted to make Sunday (even though I just made them last weekend). The ingredient I didn't have? Cream of chicken soup. Last week in Idaho Tyler and I found Campbell's cream of chicken soup on sale for 58 cents a can. We bought hundreds of cans to stock up for ourselves and other family members. I left it all in Idaho.

Not bringing even one can of soup to Utah with me and then having to pay full price and make a special trip to the store for it...ridiculous.

And, as I was driving to the store I saw a po-po who had just pulled someone over which made me remember my expired driver's licence. It has been expired for four months now. Why don't I have a current driver's licence? Reason 1: I really really really don't want another Utah licence. I want an Idaho driver's licence. BUT, I don't have residency in Idaho. I don't know why they can't judge my residency by my heart...which, if you could see, has the word IDAHO written on it. Reason 2: I feel really fat right now and don't want a picture taken that is going to last 5 years and also don't think I can lie about my weight enough to get it even close to what I want it to be on my driver's licence. There's pretty much a 10 pound limit to lying on your driver's licence, right?

Driving on an expired licence because you are a big fat Idaho lover...ridiculous.

So I go into the store, buy my cream of chicken soup, and head out to the parking lot to get back in my car. But, during the short time I was shopping, a rapist van has parked near my car. And there's a guy sitting in it. Great. He was probably just a nice guy waiting in the car while his wife ran in to get some last minute groceries. That would be the logical thing to think. But instead I just assume, because of what he's driving, that he's a rapist, or at least a thief. And I just bought this super cool new purse that I'm sure makes me more of a target. So I decide to run to my car. But it's icy. Don't worry, I didn't fall. But I did look like an idiot as I ran with only my lower legs to avoid falling.

Running like a dork to avoid a guy who is probably not a rapist...ridiculous.




Rapist Van




Funny Rapist Van




Then I get in my car and sweep my arm across the back seat, you know, to check for bad guys. I always do this. Especially since, while at BYU, Lee stole my second set of keys and hid in my back seat so he could (and did) scare me when I got into my car. And, as I'm sweeping my arm across the back seat the thought comes to me, 'Becca, you always check for bad guys, but what about bad midgets? You need to do a more thorough check.'

Worrying about evil midgets in my back seat...ridiculous.

The next day (Sunday) I got up and got ready for church. I headed to church and was even a little proud of myself for being on time (even though my church doesn't start until 1:00 PM). I pulled into the parking lot and there were hardly any cars there. What the? And then I remembered...oh yeah, it was Stake Conference today....at 10:00 in the morning!

Completely missing church because you spaced Stake Conference...ridiculous.

So, that was my weekend. I'm starting to think that I might be losing it.

And that brings me to my next subject which is notes and lists. I'm not really too forgetful usually, but I think that I fear forgetting, thanks to my mom.

My mom thinks that she is doomed to Alzheimer's Disease. I don't know why. It doesn't run in our family, we don't live in a house with old pipes, she does crossword puzzles, and we are careful not to use aluminum pots, but for some reason any time my mom forgets any little thing she starts freaking out about getting Alzheimer's...and tells me not to put her in one of the yucky nursing homes that smell like urine but to put her in a nice one...unless she's TOTALLY out of it and then to just put her in the cheapest one because she won't know any difference anyway.

I don't even want to get to the point where I'm worrying about Alzheimer's and nursing homes. Hence, I write notes and lists about and for everything, so I won't forget anything, and therefore won't think I'm really losing it.

Someday, whoever finds my dead body (half-eaten by wild dogs of course) will also find me surrounded in notes and lists. I make lists of things I need to do, things I need to buy, things I want to buy, pros and cons lists about my life choices (or lack thereof), lists of people I need to write thank you notes to, lists of things I want to blog about, lists of places I want to go, lists of things I want to do, lists to revise and condense old lists, etc.

I recently got made fun of by some relatives (I won't mention any names) for having every little moment of my sister-in-law's baby shower all listed out in outline form. They asked me if it was my lesson plan for the party. It was. I just wanted to be organized...SORRY!

I have lists and notes on paper, on my Google Calender, on my Google Task List, on the back of junk mail envelopes, on the back of receipts, on the back of old homework assignments, on sticky notes, and sometimes I even use the inside flap of the gum box.

I think you get the picture.

So that is why I was so happy to walk into my aunt and uncle's house this Thanksgiving and find this...

on their cupboards. And I'm pretty sure some of the notes had already been taken down by the time I got there. Wow. And I thought I was into notes and organizing.

I think my Aunt Karen might have me beat on this one. I think that her lists are not because she's afraid of going crazy, like I am, but just because she truly is one of the most organized people in the world. And, she was cooking like three different Thanksgiving dinners at once since some of her guests have special diets. She's way nicer than I am. I'd be like "eat a granola bar if you can't tolerate lactose, I'm only making one Thanksgiving dinner!" But she's super nice, unlike me.

She was even nice enough to let me take her picture. I told her it was for my blog and it was a sure way to make her famous and that tons of people would leave me comments if I put her picture on my blog also that people will probably recognize her in the grocery store from my blog and she might even get a book deal on organization skills out of it. Or something like that.

Well, so what do you do that is a little ridiculous? Do share...

What the what the?

Okay so just today I saw (in SLC) two (yes, two) dogs wearing sweaters. What the? Aren't dogs wild animals? Don't they have fur so they can survive outside? I'm confused.

When I was a missionary in Argentina I remember another missionary commenting on the Argentine dogs by saying, "Argentine dogs...you think they're all strays until winter comes and they're all wearing sweaters." And that is seriously how it was. There would be about 50 inbred "stray" dogs hanging around every neighborhood and then all of a sudden in the winter they'd all be wearing sweaters. It never made sense to me. Maybe there was some charity in Argentina of a bunch of old women who sit around crocheting sweaters for homeless dogs. I don't know...

Anyway, I just thought is was funny that I saw two dogs in sweaters today. Maybe they're always around and I just don't notice. But I usually notice dogs. Because I want them to stay away from me. But sometimes I can be pretty oblivious to dogs I guess. Like today, I was at school and noticed that the girl sitting next to me had a Google phone. I'm thinking about upgrading to either an iPhone or a Google phone so I asked her if I could see it. And as I'm looking at it she says, "Ooh, do you want to see a picture of my dogs?" and before I could even answer she reached over and pushed a button and a picture of her two dogs popped up. So, even though I don't care for dogs AT ALL, I tried to be polite and said:

"Oh, how cute. I love that little scrunched up face on that dog."

And thought: "I really don't care about your dogs I just wanted to see your phone."

And then she told me how one of her dogs only had one eye because he was a rescued dog or something and so I continued looking at the pictures trying to think of things to say or ask. So I asked if both dogs were the same kind of dog.

She laughed. A lot.

And then told me that one was a terrier and the other one was a pug.

How was I supposed to know? They were both small dogs.

But that got me thinking? Why is it that when it comes to dogs, you're an idiot if you don't know the subtle differences in the dog types. But, when it comes to humans you aren't supposed to notice the differences in human types. Once again, I'm just confused.

And another thing I'm confused about is why I saw a 1998 Toyota Corolla in the parking lot of the library with one of these...

on the steering wheel. Seriously dude, nobody wants to steal your 1998 Corolla. Especially when there are plenty of Lexi (plural for Lexus), Beemers (BMW), and Benzes (as in Mercedes) around. It was the east side of SLC for heavens sake. Whatever.

And then just today I got a special request from cousin Kate to tell the, as she put it "a$$ wipe story." But it's not really much of a story at all. Basically, on Thanksgiving, as per family tradition, my cousin Kate, Aunt Lucy, Uncle Jay and I went to see the movie The Blindside at the ridiculously overpriced, due to a monopoly, Edwards Theater in Idaho Falls.

The movie was pretty good. I would recommend it. Even though I ended up paying $15.50 to see it...$9.50 for the movie, $1.00 Fandango fee, and $5.00 to wash my car after the movie since while we were in the movie some, as Kate claims I said, "a$$-wipe," threw soda all over my car. Which became frozen soda.

So that's really it. Kate laughed a lot at my reaction. But seriously, it bugged big time. Especially since I don't know where any good car washes in IF are and ended up paying five bucks for the crappiest car wash in the history of car washes. By the way, I washed my car at that car wash with all the paintings of the cartoon bears (I think on Yellowstone). Don't waste your money at that place. Seriously.

Well, that's all for now. I'll try to be nicer in the future and more understanding of dog lovers and soda throwers. Bye.

I'm turning into a...

BOOK

WORM!

Or maybe just a nerd. I don't know. But I have been reading a lot lately.

My turning into a book worm is probably due to some/all of the following reasons:

1) Reading books is a good way to keep from doing my homework or other things I should be doing, as I just can't get as mad at myself for putting off things I should be doing to read because well, at least reading is a good thing, right? It's like when I was a kid...I knew that if I was supposed to be, let's say weeding the garden or something, but it was too hot outside and the potato bugs and their promiscuity was grossing me out, that reading was a good second option. Because if my mom caught me down in the cool basement reading I'd be in a lot less trouble then if she caught me sleeping or playing Nintendo or fighting with my brothers, etc. Now that I'm in charge of myself I guess I do the same thing. If I don't want to do what I should be doing then I at least try to chose something I know my mom would approve of. Moms do that to you.

2) I'm getting old and I think that old people read a lot.

3) I like reading. Even though it takes longer to read than it does to watch a movie, reading sticks with me more. You get to imagine things your own way.

4) I've discovered the greatness of books on tape (aka books on iPod) and how you can listen to a book and multi-task by cleaning or exercising. Then you really feel good about yourself. And it makes me feel less like a time waster when I'm doing mundane tasks like cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.

5) I, for the first time in my life, am part of a book club. I can't say we're really too serious about it or professional. We get together at a restaurant once a month and usually spend the whole first 98% of our time just chatting and then we talk about the book at the very end, if for no other reason then so we can call ourselves a book club.

Anyway, this month's book club book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I just finished listening to it tonight and I loved it. It is kind of a detailed story, especially at the first, but the details really give you a feel for life in Brooklyn in the early 1900's and most of the details become important later in the story. I would highly recommend the book. It is one of the best books I've read/listened to in a long time. I listened to it though so maybe reading it would be different. (5 Becca Stars)

Other books that I can remember reading recently and what I think...

To Kill a Mockingbird: How in the world did I make it to age 30 without ever reading this book? I don't know why I never had to read it in high school as I took an AP Literature class and had to read what felt like every book in the world published at that time. The only reason I even read it now was that I was at DI right before going to Panama, looking for a book to take with me, and it was 50 cents and the DI was closing for the night so I just grabbed it as it was the first book that I recognized the title to. Anyway, I'm sure most of you have read it already but I liked it and would recommend it to those who haven't had to read it. (4 and a half Becca Stars)

The Help: I really liked this book. I listened to it on tape and I thought the reader did a good job and would highly recommend it. It is about the southern U.S. during the 1960's. (4 and a half Becca Stars)

The Book Thief: I really liked this book. It is about the Holocaust but from a little non-Jew German girl's point of view. And the narrator of the story is death, which was interesting. I've read a lot of books on the Holocaust but most are written from the Jewish perspective and from inside the death camps so this was a new good twist. (Warning: Do prepare yourselves to hear/read "Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" about 100 times.) (4 and a half Becca Stars)

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society: Crazy title but a good book. It is just a simple little story but I learned a lot and would recommend it. (4 and a half Becca Stars)

Things Fall Apart: I really liked this book. It is pretty short and is an easy read. It was written in the 1950's by a Nigerian. It is very famous so you all may have already read it. I will warn you, if you haven't read much about Africa it might freak you out a little. Just some of their beliefs/actions are a little crazy to us, like killing twins and stuff. (4 and a half Becca Stars)

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers: Actually a really interesting book. If you are at all squeamish though I wouldn't recommend it. For those who aren't easily grossed out I would highly recommend it. So, it all depends on you. (4 Becca Stars)

The Family That Couldn't Sleep: I had to read this for a class, but it was pretty good. For other nerdy science types I would recommend it, but for non-science-lovers, I would not. It is about Prion diseases like Kuru, Fatal Familial Insomnia, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (human version of Mad Cow disease), etc. Oh, and if you like hamburgers then I would highly NOT recommend this book to you as you will never want to eat hamburger again. (3 Becca Stars)

The Forgotten Garden: Very detailed and kind of weird but I liked it anyway. I don't know if everyone would like this but I liked it. (4 Becca Stars)

The Alchemist: Okay, so it seems that EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD loves this book, but I honestly didn't love it that much. It was okay. It teaches a lot of good lessons and actually has a lot of things that could be tied to the gospel, but I'd rather just read the Book of Mormon. You get more points in heaven for reading that anyway. (3 Becca Stars)

Eat, Pray, Love: I wouldn't really recommend this book to my average blog reader. As an older single woman there were parts of her book that I totally related to and liked, but overall, I wouldn't recommend it. (2 and a half Becca Stars)

The Painted Veil: The book was pretty good, but the movie is better, and the book and movie are pretty different. (3 and a half Becca Stars)

The Female Brain (aka: the new Men are from Mars Women are from Venus): I didn't really like this book. I mean it was okay but I didn't feel that it really taught me anything new. All I really got out of it is that men and women are really different which complicates life. Duh. I already knew that. The science behind why men and women are so different and don't really get each other is interesting, but I felt like I'd already learned all those things in biology class. (3 Becca Stars)

Well, that's all the books I can think of for now. I'm sure I'll think of more as soon as I post this, but oh well. Email me or leave a comment if you have any specific questions/comments about any of the books.

I hope my list gives you some ideas for books to read or not to read this holiday season. Oh, and if you have recently read any books that you have love love loved then please let me know in your comment. I'm looking for some new good reads.

Baby Shower 101

Throwing a baby shower...

Step 1: Have a cute little grandma that says "Have the potentially wild (based upon Kim's bridal shower) baby shower at my house." Thanks grandma.

Step 2: Have lots of good food. People like food.

Step 3: Invite lots of friends...

and of course family.

Step 4: Have the future grandma there via Skype. Oh, and have her dress up. And be the ONLY one at the party that dresses up.

I'm still trying to figure out what my mom was dressed up as. The only way I can describe her is as a "Punk Rocker Pumpkin." I'm pretty sure that's what she was aiming for. And may I just say that my mom looked way weirder/scarier via Skype than she did in this actual picture. Those eyebrows are pretty crazy though. Although I have seen worse on women here in Utah that just don't quite ever figure out how to draw on their eyebrows after menopause.

Anyway, thanks Mil for dressing up and joining in on the fun even though you were 6000 miles away.

Step 5: Invite lots of people...the more the merrier. We had over 25 there! I like a big group. Things tend to get a little wild. Just my style...

Oh, and have activities to try and keep people entertained. Since it was Halloween we had some cheesy little Halloween baby shower things like: decorating "little pumpkins," guessing facts about the little "baby a brewing" like weight, name, hair color, etc., and writing advice to Kim, or things your "mummy" did to make you feel special when you were a kid.

P.S. my mom, who is famous for little sayings like that(second only to my Aunt Jenny), helped me come up with them. I'm not that creative/cheesy.

Step 6: Gifts, of course. And Kim got so many nice and thoughtful gifts. I love the little Batman costume Pam made for the little guy. I hope he likes dressing up as much as his dad does. I think Lee will be a little disappointed if he doesn't.

And may I just pause here to say that now that my first nephew is soon to be born I finally have an excuse to shop for baby clothes...and I do. So, my gift was clothes for the kid. Because, as an older single girl there are two things you don't want to be...

1) Bitter

2) Crazy

And one of the weirdest things you can do as a single girl is to start collecting baby clothes. That just has "Crazy" written all over it. I think it is right up there with having a scrapbook of wedding dresses, rings, and reception ideas all gathered up. Psycho. No one wants to marry the crazy girl. But, now I can legitimately enter the baby section of any store and not be seen as a psycho. It is a great and liberating feeling. Because shopping for baby clothes is fun!

Kimmae opening one of her gifts. She was a pretty fast gift opener, a talent everybody likes to see in a baby shower guest of honor.

Step 7: Of course you must have a few cheesy baby shower games to make things fun. These are a must...even if it requires your 83 year-old grandma to have to drink apple juice from a baby bottle. Sacrifices must be made in order to have fun. Thanks for being a good sport grandma.

We also had people guess how big around Kim's little belly is. Some people were off, WAY OFF, but we had a few guess right on.

Step 8: The after party. A must have. This happened spontaneously when I called my brothers to see if they wanted to come eat leftover brunch from the shower. They were there in a flash.

The after party was pretty much the same as the shower except it was the man version of the party. Lee even had his belly measured to see if he was bigger around than his 7 month pregnant wife.

My brothers did a very good job of helping me clean up the extra food. They were pretty amazed at the food. I think they must have just been hungry. You'd think it was the first time they'd ever eaten. I heard things like,

Russell: "Wow, do you have food like this at all these girl parties you have?"

Me: "Yes, even better sometimes."

Russell: "Can I come next time too?"

Me: "We'll see."

Lee: "How much did these sausages cost? They are so good."

Me: "Like 4 dollars a bag or something."

Lee: "That's only 20 cents per sausage patty. Amazing! I could take these to work to eat."
Me: "Yes, however they each have 200 calories."

(I guess my warning didn't worry Lee as he went to the store that night and bought some sausage.)

Ty: "I call for the last pumpkin waffle!...Oooh are those sausages?"

So the boys cleaned up the food. Boys are so good at that. And at making you feel like it is the best food they've ever eaten or ever will eat. Then they helped me put away chairs and clean up.

And then Lee had to see if he could stick out his belly and make it look like Kim's. And...he could.

And fortunately there were exactly three little candy bags left from the shower, so the boys each got a party favor for coming to the after-party party.

Thanks again to everyone who came and everyone who wished they could have been there. Well, until one of those other two boys decides to get married, it looks like my job as a shower planner is done.

Oh, and sorry I didn't get good pictures of everyone who was there. I just didn't take as many pictures as I should have. I'm sure you are all devastated to not have your picture on this blog post. Maybe next time...

Banana Laffy Taffy Anyone?

Here's the candy all separated, organized, counted, and ready for shipping to Brazil. Why did I count EVERYTHING, you ask? Well...

1. So that I could know just how much candy I bought for under 40 dollars (once you subtract out the cost of the Halloween decorations) and once again feel awesome and lucky for getting it so cheap.

2. To make things easier when my mom makes the little candy packages for all of the missionaries. Since I don't have 150 of some things and have way more than 150 of other things she can plan out how to divvy up the candy and all the missionaries will get their fair share...especially since my dad has already been showing some of the missionaries pictures of all the candy I'm sending.

3. To stop me from eating it before I get it shipped off, because I don't want to have to re-count or re-organize it. And, since it is counted, if I did decide to eat any more I'd know exactly what I ate.

4. To stop my dad from eating it when it gets to Brazil. Since it is all counted he can't claim that he "only had 2 pieces" or something, as he has maybe been known to do in the past.


So, here's the final count. And this doesn't include all of the candy I've already eaten and given away (which is quite a bit)...

• 200 Fun Dip Packs
• 300 Reece's PB Cups
• 1200 Dum Dums
• 175 boxed of Milk Duds
• 80 packs of Runts
• 90 boxes of Nerds
• 102 Sweet Tarts (Does anyone eat these other than at Halloween and Valentine's Day?)
• 96 Smarties
• 640 Kit Kats (oops, perhaps a few too many!)
• 76 Whopper packs
• 110 Hershey's Bars (Candy for boring people)
• 110 Almond Joy
• 360 little Twizzler packs
• 166 Strawberry Laffy Taffy
• 181 Banana Laffy Taffy (Yuck!)
• 63 Misc Reece's candy...Fast Break, Reece's Pieces, Fast Break, and Whipps
• 128 other random candy...Take5, suckers, Dove Chocolates, Hershey's miniatures, etc.
  

I'm for sure not sending all of the Dum Dums or Fun Dips, as those will last, and I can take them to share with the kids in Panama next year. Besides, they don't get much candy and they won't know that Dum Dums and Fun Dips are kind of the bottom of the candy barrel. And, kids like gross/weird candy. Looking back I can't believe that as a kid I used to spend money on bubble gum cigars, wax candy lips, ring pops, weird gummy stuff, etc. What is wrong with kids' taste in candy?

Anyway, I'll probably give away some of the Kit Kats too instead of shipping them all, as I could give each missionary 4 and still have 40 to spare!

But my big dilemma is...do I even bother sent the banana Laffy Taffies or should I just throw them away or scatter them throughout Pioneer Park? Do real people actually like banana Laffy Taffies? Will any of the missionaries like them? I don't want to scare the Brazilians away from North American candy since it is usually the best. They must make banana Laffy Taffies for some reason, but I don't know anyone who likes them. Even in my family, and we AREN'T too picky when it comes to candy, the banana Laffy Taffy was a frequenter of the reject candy drawer.

Missionaries are a pretty easy crowd to please when it comes to food though. So maybe the banana Laffy Taffies will be okay. Some missionaries in my parents' mission once ate a pan of brownies that someone made for an object lesson in church that was made with no sugar and double the oil or something. So, I'm not really too worried about sending some borderline gross candy, but I just don't want to waste precious shipment space that could be used instead to send my parents "necessities" like tortillas, Hershey's syrup, tomato juice, etc. That's why the banana Laffy Taffies may be on the chopping block.